Final Thoughts
by Enigma Kat
Summary: A day in the life of Nick, written firstperson.


**Final Thoughts**

Ungh, wha…damn alarm! Ah, well. C'mon Nicky, get up. Five more minutes? No, no, I'll end up sleeping in. Argh, ok. Up!

What a freaky dream that was… what was it about? Man, I can't even remember. Hm. Cold water, hot water. Hot enough? Good. Damn, where's my towel? Oh, yeah, laundry. This one'll do. Ahh, nice warm water. This'll help wake me up. Man, what a crappy day coming. I've gotta talk to Gris about this. Maybe he can help. Nah, I doubt it. Nobody can help at this point. What am I gonna do? DAMN, how can I be out of soap? Idiot. Remember to get some later. Shampoo, it's double-duty for you today. Sophia's gonna ask about this one. She's got one freaky nose. Hehe, maybe she'll think I had a date last night. Yeah, right. She knows more than anyone that I haven't dated in months, not since…oh, man. I sure do miss her. Brrr, whoo. It's damn cold out here. Head and shoulders, knees and toes. And the ears now, yelch.

Left leg, right leg. One side, boy. What the…? How did I get a hole there? Damn, next pair…Socks, shirt, stink-stick. Man, you really should avoid mirrors, Nicky. You look like crap.

Do I want coffee this morning? Nah, not even hungry for that matter. Hm, maybe I'll grab something later. Hm, guess I might as well head in now. OT never killed anyone, that's for other stuff to do. Maybe I can catch Grissom before too much gets going. Gun, coat, keys.

Oops. Forgot about that pop. Guess I should toss the can now before I forget again. Anything else? OK, now let's go. Man, that guy's really gotta cut his grass. He could be hiding a whole herd of buffalo in there and noone'd know. Hey, gas is a good price for a change. Should get some today. Grr, missed the light. Hottie in that little car, wonder what she charges? There's no way she's not a hooker. Aw, I hate this song. There's gotta be something better. Commercial, commercial, news, talk show, commercial…ok, nothing it is.

Hey, who's in my parking spot? Jerk. I hate parking over here. Sophia? You know that's my spot, what're you doing? Look at her, man, she's got some good things going for her. That hair, she can shoot, better than most guys, her weird accent…Where is she from? I don't think she's ever said. Have I ever asked? In all this time, after everything, I have no idea where she's from. What does that say about me? Not much, I guess. Ah, stop it. Damn, she's coming this way. I can't talk to her yet. Whoo, good timing Brass.

I hope Gris is alone. Damnit. Sara, would you just leave the poor man alone. Can't you get it, he's not interested. Man, you're acting like a little school girl. Yeah, Gris, kick her out. I really need to talk to you. Whoa, Warrick, where did you come from? Shit, you've got a folder. You've got that look. So much for talking to Grissom.

Wow, what a way to make a crappy day even worse. That has to be one of the worst scenes I've done yet. Strangled with a towel in a public gym locker room. Towels are killer, and with them all looking the same, and the vic's DNA is supposed to be on one, it's gonna be next to impossible to nail the perp. And with all the people in and out of there, and so much water and soap…damnit. Why couldn't it have been a simple shooting or robbery? Oh, nooo. Because I have shit to deal with today, fate has to piss on top of it all. Well, report's done, now I have a reason to talk to Grissom. Is he in his office? Good. Ecklie? What are the damn odds. I'll try one more time today, then that's it.

Sophia's in the breakroom. Should I go see her? I do have to talk to her eventually. She deserves to know. And I can't avoid her forever. Man, she is beautiful. Maybe we can work something out after all. Oh, she saw me staring. Euh, how do I get away this time? Too late. Why isn't she saying anything? Huh? A piece of paper? Why did she just walk away, didn't say anything? Oh, it's her number. Good, it's easier to say this sort of thing over a phone than in person. Don't have to see her reaction. Does she know what I'm going to say? No, there's no way she could know. I didn't even know until yesterday. OK, I'll call her tonight. Is Ecklie gone yet? Should have known, Sara again. Oh, and Catherine. We're all going to another scene? Must be messy.

Man, how can people do this to kids? Freaks. She must have been what, eight? Nearly ripped in half. She was nowhere near ready for this. And this guy's her father? Supposed to protect her. Some protection. At least she's dead now, she won't have to deal with the memory. Memory sucks. Why can't we just forget things we don't want to remember anymore. Maybe then I could forget…but if I forgot, then what? That's a big part to just not have in my head. Maybe it would be better if I was dead, then I wouldn't have to deal with the memory. That could work. But do I really want to go that route? Uh, back on track, Nicky. Sort it out later. Process the scene, not your brain.

Finally. End of shift, and Sara's skirted out early. Slackass. She thinks she can do whatever she wants cuz Grissom's got a thing for her. I would love to see the look on her face when she realizes it's just that he'd rather not deal with her that she gets away with stuff. Damnit, Grissom's gone early too. What's with that? He never leaves early. But that just goes along with the rest of the day. Well, I guess it really is all up to me.

Last stop before home. Beer? No, whiskey? Yeah, whiskey. That'll help. Give me some guts for a change. Gas is still a good price, can't be bothered stopping again. I like this song.

Hang up the keys, off with the coat, put the gun down. Glass please. And ice. Whoa, good whiskey. OK, gun's on the table, got Sophia's number now and I know Grissom's number by heart. What to do, what to do? Damn, I didn't expect to be crying.

"_I can't do this anymore"_


End file.
